Perspectives from a City-fied Southerner
My First Mission Trip – Going to Slovenia!
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Friends, I’m excited to share that I am participating in a short term mission trip to Slovenia this summer with my church, Sojourn, and would love your support in getting there! The focus of our time in this eastern European country will be putting on a Vacation Bible School for over 500 kids while their parents, who are missionaries, attend a training conference. This is my first mission trip ever and I’m thrilled to have the opportunity because it’s a really tangible way that I (and you, through me!) can support our brothers and sisters in Christ who are advancing the gospel in various parts of the world.
It would mean so much to me if you would help send me to Slovenia by making a financial gift. The total cost of the trip is $2,500. Make this experience a reality for me by visiting https://sojourn.onthecity.org/give/login. On the giving form, select “Missions” for the 1st dropdown; select “Slovenia” for the 2nd dropdown; enter “Slovenia 723” in the Memo box (this part is really important because it designates your gift to go toward my costs specifically).
Thank you for reading and thank you for praying this forward. I’m excited to see how the Lord will move in my life and in the lives of others as I prepare for this experience. Please help me make it happen!!
Tags: Christian, Christianity, Church, Faith, International Missions, Mission Trip
An uninformed person’s view on Ferguson
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In some ways, I have purposely kept from informing myself on the known facts about the Ferguson case. I know that an unarmed African-American boy was shot by a white police officer and that whether or not the police officer acted too rashly or in self-defense is in question. I don’t know much more than that. I haven’t wanted to know more because I think I’m afraid of what I’ll find out.
I’m afraid this truth will be affirmed: on the whole, white people still don’t see black people as their brothers and sisters. White people still feel like black people are different from them and one way that this manifests itself is that white people are subconsciously afraid of black people.
In too many instances, that fear and lack of understanding has led to the deaths of black people, black men specifically. I don’t know if that’s what happened in Ferguson but I do feel like when the grand jury decided not to bring criminal charges against the police officer involved in this case, they effectively re-told black people that ‘sometimes people of your color die and there are no consequences.’ Obviously the grand jury heard and saw evidence that led them to believe that the police officer did not act with the malicious intent to kill Mike Brown. So perhaps that is true. Perhaps it is not. Most of us weren’t there and none of us know what was truly in this police officer’s mind but I stand with the community of people of all races who are saying in response ‘This has to stop. We have to stop allowing police officers to kill so many black men.’
But in some ways, I feel hopeless. I feel like throwing my hands up and just saying ‘come, Lord Jesus.’ As Scotty Ward Smith says in this prayer, I am longing for the day when there will be no more violence or hatred or misunderstanding, period. In saying this, I’m not saying that we should stop taking steps to bridge the racial gap – and that gap is still very real, don’t fool yourself – I’m saying that on the whole, we won’t see the end to worldwide brokenness until Jesus comes back. And for me, if any good can be said to have come out of this, it is that I genuinely feel that longing for Jesus to come back. The day will come when we all just live in peace with one another and with the Lord, and oh what a beautiful day that will be.
But what can we do right now? Here are my thoughts:
- Pray – Pray for those in Ferguson who are doing the hard work of reconciling two communities that each feel hurt by the other’s actions. Pray that communities across the country would create spaces where people can respectfully have hard, honest, constructive conversations on race. Pray that we (yourself included) would seek out opportunities to get to know people who are different from ourselves so that we can begin to love people in those groups as we love brothers and sisters.
- Be gentle when sharing your opinions: There are a lot of emotions in play around this case, race and social privilege, and police officers’ responsibilities and actions. Please think carefully about how your opinion might make someone else around you feel.
- Do something nice for someone: Right now, it feels like the world, America, our own cities are hard places to live. Do something to show one person, or many people if you’d like, that there is still good in this world. Show the unconditional love of Christ to friends and strangers. This could be a “random act of kindness” or just taking the time to share an encouraging word with someone who you know needs it. Give people a sense of hope.
How did not offending people get such a bad rep?
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If you google political correctness, the above definition is what Google supplies you with. What is so wrong with this? Why are people so angry/perturbed/annoyed by the idea of “political correctness”? I think the term itself leads to a certain distaste, as if some people’s politics are incorrect, which is unfortunate because ALL WE’RE TRYING TO DO HERE IS AVOID “EXCLUDING, MARGINALIZING OR INSULTING PEOPLE WHO ARE SOCIALLY DISADVANTAGED OR DISCRIMINATED AGAINST.”
I understand that people think that “being PC” means limiting what they can say. And that’s true, it does. But why do you think it’s a good thing that you should be able to freely use language that makes groups of people feel bad and not face any criticism? The right to free speech is certainly important and should be preserved but just because you can say something, does it mean you should?
Another frequent criticism of political correctness is that people just shouldn’t be so “sensitive.” Why is it a bad thing to care about how words and actions affect people? Why is it that certain groups of people are expected to just put aside their hurt feelings if they hear a slur used in casual conversation? “Come on, I didn’t mean it” is often the response they get. Perhaps you didn’t mean it, but the legions of people who previously used that word against that group of people sure did mean it and they weren’t joking. So let’s take those words out of circulation, they carry too much negative weight and they hurt people. Just because you don’t think they should hurt people doesn’t mean they don’t.
If you can’t tell already, I am a huge fan of political correctness. I don’t ever want to knowingly use language that hurts people, even if no one who you would think fits those descriptors is within earshot. I urge you to lovingly take action if you hear someone say, do or wear something offensive. No one wants to feel shamed for using words that they think are harmless. But when you say something is gay, or retarded, or ghetto, or use expressions that mock these groups or any others, the definition of the message you’re trying to convey is that you think whatever you are talking about is stupid. Are people who are gay, stupid? Are people stupid because they may have a developmental disability? Is something that is “ghetto” automatically characteristic of black people? Of course not. So if you hear anyone saying things like that, ask them if there’s a better word that they can use because those words break your heart for that group of people.
Let’s protect each other’s feelings and think before we speak.
T – is it true?
H – is it helpful?
I – is it inspiring?
N – is it necessary?
K – is it kind?
Cast Your Cares on Him
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I am having a crying day. Seemingly every image, quote or story about something sad, empowering, inspiring or depressing is bringing me to tears. I’m crying because it’s true that we still need funny images to tell us that we are great just the way we are, that we don’t need to conform to what society tells us we have to do. I’m crying because much (most?) of the world still thinks that this image of a family is inappropriate because it is against their personal morals. I’m crying because there are babies being left in hot cars. I’m crying because there are teeny tiny babies fighting for their lives. I’m crying because I don’t always feel valued at work. I’m crying about everything.
Most people who know me can tell you that this is an exceedingly rare occurrence. I’m just not usually a cryer. I think many things are sad but I don’t typically express those emotions physically because I don’t feel the urge to do so.
But for some reason, today is different. I don’t know why these tears are coming today but I’m thankful for days like today when I’m made to feel the weight of this sadness and my own helplessness in these situations.
I am such a doer. My inner control freak sees a problem, and she wants to find and enact the solution immediately. But in much of the instances I mentioned above, and many I didn’t mention, I can’t do much of anything to make change occur. I can only pray to the One who is in charge of it ALL.
The more I am getting to know the Lord and growing in my relationship with Him, the more grateful I am for the blessing of being able to bring all of my emotions, struggles, joys and worries to Him and trust that He hears me. There was a time not that long ago when I didn’t think prayer was very useful. I was of the mindset that ‘if God sees me at every moment and knows my thoughts, why do I need to pray about anything? And if He already has a plan for everyone’s life, surely my praying for/about them won’t change his mind.’ I’ve learned a few lessons about prayer that have changed my mind and my heart:
- Sometimes prayer is the means by which God brings about certain actions that are part of His divine plan.
- Prayer increases our trust in and relationship with God
- When we pray and cast our cares on the Lord, we realize that we don’t have to carry these burdens alone
I recently read a quote by Tim Keller that said “suffering dispels the illusion that we have the strength and competence to rule our own lives.” How very true. I’m so thankful that we serve a God who we can trust our lives with. Who pours out grace on us constantly and isn’t frustrated by having to remind us that we are not the captains of our own ships or this ship called life. Perhaps seeing and being saddened by things that are out of my control is God’s way of again pointing me to Himself and letting me know that He is the ultimate and the only doer.
Quiet Time
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Since moving back to Louisville, I have attended church more than I have in my whole life. Literally. Even when I was 15 and first came to know Jesus, I didn’t go to church every week like I have been now.
What brought this on? When I was in NYC and searching for a job in Louisville, I (eventually) realized that there was no way I was going to be able to do it without God’s help and for all my toiling, I should have been leaning on the Lord and trusting that he would lead me to the right place. And he did. Quite quickly after I poured out my heart to God he cleared the path and illuminated it for me, leading me to my current job.
Since then, I have realized what I knew all along but foolishly forgot: I can do nothing apart from the Lord. Re-realizing this, and not letting the breadth of the blessings I’ve been given escape me, I have sought to grow in my faith since moving home. I attend church every week, am part of a community group, and seek to be a part of activities within the church. I have thoroughly enjoyed incorporating all of this into my life but I can’t say it’s easy. Other commitments always try to creep in and I’ve felt nervous that I’m not as spiritually mature as my friends in the church and thus don’t have as much to contribute to our group – or worse, that I’ll say something stupid.
One thing the pastor mentioned in church last Sunday is that at some point in many Christians’ lives, we were somehow given the idea that the Christian life should be easy. And, put as plainly as I can, who told us this?! God does not promise us an easy life. One thing that I previously had trouble with was actually making time to spend reading the Bible and praying every day – aka having a “Quiet Time.”
Back tracking a little, in all of this time that I’ve been seeking to grow in my relationship with God and praying that I would put aside my own desires to do as God desires, I’ve been feeling like my growth has been more external than internal – like I’m DOING more of what God wants but that my heart isn’t becoming less selfish. This has been discouraging, needless to say. I haven’t doubted that the Lord was hearing my prayers but why wasn’t I feeling growth happening?
Back to where I was, with quiet time. In church last week we talked about John 15, in which Jesus tells us: ““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” And I realized that by shirking on my quiet time with the Lord, I was minimizing my ability to remain in Jesus, to be a healthy branch – so how could I bear any noticeable fruit?
So I doubled down on my efforts to have quiet time every day, insisting that I am not allowed to turn the TV on when I get home until this has happened. And today, while praying after reading the Word, the Holy Spirit showed me a glimpse of the work that God has been doing in me: He’s cultivated in me a desire to know Him deeply. That doesn’t come from my selfish heart. I’ve been praying that I would grow in my relationship with Him and today the Spirit showed me that God is helping me make that happen by first giving me the deep desire. He IS changing my heart. I can’t even express how excited and grateful I am to have been shown this. Truly, the Lord does know your every need. For me, this is the proof I needed that quiet time works. That dedicating time specifically to gain the nourishment from God’s word that is needed to be a fruitful branch is not just a habit you need to form to be a “good Christian.” It is something that will provide you with the nourishment you need in order to LIVE.
Credit Card Debt = Eliminated!
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I did it ya’ll. I paid off my $8,000 in credit card debt. I kept my new year’s resolution from last year to stop having to pay these money-suckers every month. I have zero balances on all seven of my credit cards. WOW!
Going through this experience over the course of the last year has been quite a lesson on commitment, discipline, sacrifice and managing finances. I’ve always felt like I had quite a robust understanding of all of these “facts of life” but over the last year I learned what it really means to commit myself to a goal that is for the ultimate betterment of my quality of life but that requires not being able to do everything I wanted in the short term. I shopped less. I went out less. I planned aggressively for big expenses that I knew were on the horizon – like moving (twice!), purchasing furniture and Christmas expenses. And I thought I was always a planner!
It was not easy. But now that I’m on the other side of this, what’s next? Do I start saving for my wedding (that I don’t currently have a suitor for)? Do I reward myself with a big purchase? I’ve decided that I will start building up my emergency fund. Read more about them from LearnVest, one of my favorite financial advice resources, that writes extensively on the topic and ways to help you build this up. Once I build up this fund (which will likely take the whole year), I’ll re-evaluate. It’s hard for me to save money “without a purpose” but I definitely want to ensure that if something unexpected and expensive comes up, I have the money to cover it.
So that’s where I am with my dollars. And I’m proud. I’ve never committed myself to such a large goal and met it. So here I am, committing myself to my emergency fund, another big goal that scares me. I’m jumping in, who’s coming with me?
On making new friends
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So, as I mentioned in my last post, I left NYC, and the life I had built there, to move back to Louisville and make the life that I’ve always wanted to have. I left the bright lights, the fast pace, the world-at-your-fingertips-big-city being fully aware that I wasn’t coming back to a whole lot of social structure in My Old Kentucky Home. Because when you’ve been gone for seven years and you return as a 25 year old, you don’t have any friends left over from high school and the ones you do still talk to have built their lives without you. Your family doesn’t really invite you over for spur-of-the-moment lunches because they’re not used to being able to do that. And also, as I’m sort of figuring out, everyone already has good friends.
I realize that that last line sounded a little sappy but it’s true, and I totally understand it. True, deep friendships are wrought by fire. Between women, they are built on years of going to the movies together, eating ice cream through break-ups, supporting career changes, expressing frustrations about family drama, laughing at yourselves together, showing the other person sides of yourself that make you nervous, and a whole lot of Secret Sauce that can’t be described. They do not develop over night. They are sacred. You do not come to be in a deep friendship with someone by accident. You work at friendship and invest your time in it and then somehow months or years later, you find that you don’t know how you’d ever maintain any sanity without them.
How do I go about finding new people that I will hopefully be able to build these kinds of relationships with? When I moved to NYC and didn’t have any friends there, I spent 60+ hours a week at work (not really by choice, I wasn’t that lonely, don’t worry) and that kind of time together built friendships with the girls I worked with. New York is also a place where everyone is from somewhere else and is thus looking to make friends in their “new city.” Now, I work with lovely, wonderful women in my new job but they all have friends. For the most part they have lived their whole lives here and they’ve never left the people that they call their best friends. And we don’t spend as much time working together to naturally forge that bond. We don’t hang out after work like I did with my friends in New York, because they all have “true” friends that they’d rather spend their valuable personal time with.
Where does this leave me? Well, with having to put myself out there. Now I am not an extrovert. I am enthusiastic, and bubbly and funny and warm but these are not things that you always learn about me right away. But the only way I’m going to get to know anyone is if I go ahead and try to show those qualities to the world. I’ve been to happy hours and networking events and assorted other meet-ups but there’s always an air of superficiality. No one is showing their true self there. So what do you do, pick someone who seems like you might have something in common with you and schedule a “follow-up” meeting? The answer is yes. Man, making new friends is like business. But what’s the next step if you like the person? You keep setting up drinks or coffee dates… until when? How do you reach that magical moment when someone goes from being “the girl you met at a happy hour” to being a friend? Do you have to “go through something together”?
I’m in the process of figuring it out. And in the process of learning to be okay with putting myself out there. This is all a growth experience and I know I’ll get settled in with some new friends but I sure wish I could speed that process along!
Big Changes!
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So I moved back home to Louisville, KY. And I got an amazing new job. And to be quite honest, a whole new way of living life.
Most people who know me know that my plan was always to move back to Louisville after spending a few years in NYC. I decided earlier this year that this was the year that that was going to happen which was a little strange since I was finally comfortable in NYC and had the life that I wanted so badly when I first moved there – less foot soldier-y position at work, drinks with friends several times a week, fun “uniquely NYC” experiences, weekending in fabulous Northeastern places with friends.
But for all its glory, the City was exhausting. Seriously, when people would complain about working 10 hour days, I would think ‘try 13+ and get back to me.’ I barely had a relationship with my sister, beyond the fact that we would always have something innate between us, and after losing the most important person in my life (my mom) it became more important to me that I spend time with her. And that wasn’t going to happen in NYC.
Nonetheless, I thought about backing out of this decision a few times. I was comfortable in NYC and honestly, terrified of what my life would be like in Louisville. I didn’t, and still don’t yet really, have any friends here anymore and it’s not exactly the most booming PR market.
But there ARE opportunities here to do the type of work I had grown to love, be obsessed with, and yearn for. So I became focused on finding the right place to call my work home. Eventually, after many sleepless nights and tears in church, God revealed the perfect opportunity to me in His time: at the KFC Yum! Center. It’s in that beautiful picture above 🙂
Which is why I have to declare that God is so good and the devil is a liar! God hears you and he will provide for you. No problem is too big for him.
I’m so glad that God knew what was best for me; that He took care that I didn’t get offered a job that wasn’t right for me because I would have accepted it. And I would have missed out on the amazing experience that is my job now. It is one of the biggest blessings I have ever received. Seriously, God timed everything exactly right so that I would be looking for a job at specifically that time, that my old manager was open to catching up with me, and that the girl previously in my position would somewhat suddenly get married and move to another state.
Again I say, God is SO good!
Part of my new job and life here is that I leave work at a normal time! Except when we have something special going on at the arena, which I’m more than thrilled to help with, I could get home before 6 every day. That was UNHEARD OF for my life in NYC. I’m still so not used to having this much time after work that I’m looking for stuff to fill those hours! I’ve started working out after work and actually get out in time to take group classes! It’s really great being able to work out so often! Who am I…
I currently live with my dad and have most of my stuff in a storage unit, which is a little challenging. I’m getting to save money though, which is something I’m doing to help myself meet my credit card goals. Update on that front: four out of six cards are now paid off and though it’s looking like I won’t meet my goal of having no credit card debt as I enter 2014, I should only need three more months to do so! I’m really thrilled and proud of myself for this accomplishment.
I’m looking forward to having my own apartment (or rental house! crazy to me) here though. I think it’ll make me feel the most settled, but I definitely feel blessed to be able to save money right now by staying with my dad. Moving so quickly was so hard that I definitely don’t think I could’ve also found a place to live here on such short notice! I just can’t wait to truly feel like I have my life here.
Because from what I predict it’ll be like based on how it is now, I couldn’t be more excited 🙂
Tyranny of the Scale
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I took my first zumba class today. I’m taking my first spinning class this Saturday. I ran five miles yesterday.
Do I love fitness, you ask? Am I really into working out? Absolutely not. What I am is terrified of gaining weight.
When I’m taking a realistic look at myself in the mirror, I realize that my body’s size and shape is probably exactly how it is supposed to be. That I will probably never be more toned or more fit than I am right now.
I don’t often have such realistic moments.
Normally I look in the mirror and wonder why, despite my hours of working out every week, don’t I have a six pack? The reason of course is because I am not genetically wired to have one! This does little to ease my angst. After all, some of the people on “The Biggest Loser” seem to be able to acquire rock hard abs and they weren’t born with them.
At what point does this self-antagonization end? And more importantly, if I am aware of how unrealistic my “ab visions” are, why do I still feel like I should strive for what will likely always elude me?
I think that this is because of two factors: my tendency to believe a recent societal shift in thinking that says that ‘if you work really hard at it, you too can have the abs of Jillian Michaels’ and the fact that this belief has led women to value themselves in large part based on their size.
We all know how destructive both of these thoughts can be, so why do we continue mentally beating ourselves up every time we eat some french fries and telling ourselves that we shouldn’t ever get to enjoy our favorite desserts.
No, it’s probably not healthy to eat chips and ranch dip on a daily basis, but if you’re at the family picnic, do you really want to be the person who refuses to eat grandma’s fried chicken?
I don’t want to be that person. Anymore.
So here it goes: beginning today, I’m going to try to put an end to negative self-talk and be a little more “body positive”.
As soon as I typed that last sentence, I pictured myself in a bikini and felt a noticeable amount of dread. If I stop being so hard on myself, am I doomed to become a whale?
I bet the answer is no. I bet that if I stop thinking rude thoughts about myself and keep making healthy food and exercise choices (most of the time), I will still be the size I’m meant to be. And perhaps a little happier!
I’m ready to get started with this new challenge! What’s the worst that can happen?
Money & Marriage
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I’m not even going to bother with quoting statistics here because we all know that many marriages end in divorce due to money issues. But what if you aren’t quite married yet?
Tonight on the train I heard a kid say to his (very sleepy) dad that ‘love beats everything, even zombies.’ He was talking a lot about zombies so I don’t blame dad for falling asleep but it got me thinking about whether I believe that love really conquers all – especially dollar signs.
As my last post indicates, I’ve been working very hard to pay off my credit card debt because “financial freedom” has taken on increased importance for me. My bf, however, is working less aggressively toward his financial goals. I love this man. I am also terrified to commit my life to someone who isn’t making fast progress toward the shared vision of our future. No, I did not “convince” him that we had a shared vision, we genuinely do, but sometimes I worry that if you can see that your attitudes toward money are not the same at the outset, do you “quit while you’re ahead”? Do you “solve” a problem before it even really becomes a problem?
As of now, my partner and I do not have intertwined finances, children or anything beyond emotions that bind us together. Either of us could walk away and there would be no remnants of our time together beyond pictures and memories. Neither of us wants to do this but sometimes I do wonder if I’m setting myself up for less than I feel I deserve by staying with someone who isn’t making as much financial progress as I am.
I believe the answer is no. I truly believe that I, and most other women, deserve the best and all the joy in the world and that staying with someone who isn’t necessarily “there” yet does not mean that you are doing a disservice to yourself. I believe that as long as you are upfront with your partner about your desires and your requirements and necessary steps toward progress, you have a chance at having love carry you through.
That’s what I am hoping happens with myself and my partner. I want to lean on love and the fact that I have been open and honest with him about expectations to believe that our future will work out.
But the fact is, you do not know. You don’t know what will happen in the future and if your love gamble will work out. Here’s hoping that the hearts and the dollar signs work together to create a beautiful life together…
I'm an opinionated, forward-thinking young lady from Louisville, KY and a PR professional working in NYC. I love long coffee dates, pop culture and prefer side dishes rather than main courses.
Perspectives from a City-fied Southerner 